The standard business practice of networking is outdated and stale. A bunch of extroverts swapping business cards and looking for ways to get ahead. Instead of random connections you can use, look for ways to build real relationships.

“Networking is a one-way relationship; building relationships is two-way,” John Hope Bryant said in his book Love Leadership. “You will never see Bill Gates, Bill clinton, Quincy Jones, or Andrew Young at a networking reception.” 

Traditional networking might forge a connection or two that leads to a transaction. That’s well and good, but it doesn’t build for the long term. Instead of a singular, one-time transaction, look to build relationships that last. 

Networking Tips

Here are five tips to make networking more about building relationships:

1. It’s Not About You

Networking is inherently selfish. Bryant put it like this: “Networking is about me, not we.” Flip that on its head and focus on others. Don’t go in looking to benefit, look for ways to build a mutually beneficial relationship.

2. Show Genuine Interest

Ask about people beyond their business and current role. American culture is especially quick to categorize people by their job title. That’s natural in a business setting, but it can be limiting and you can miss out on so much. Ask about their family. Ask what they’re passionate about. Ask what they’re learning. These kinds of open-ended questions can open doors to interesting conversations and stronger connections.

3. Look to Give

Too often business meetings are about what you can get. “Most people walk in with their hand out,” Bryant wrote. “They think the meeting is all about the ‘ask’ or the ‘sale.’” You can shift the tone and begin to build a relationship by asking what you can do to help them. 

4. Ask for challenges

Everybody faces challenges in their business, whether it’s finding employees, retaining customers, implementing systems, etc. Regardless of the industry or experience, everyone can relate to challenges. It’s a great conversation starter and can quickly lead to swapping secrets and offering help. 

5. Make Connections

Networking is all about connections, but too often it’s about connections to help you. Instead, look for ways to make introductions and connect needs to solutions. Helping people solve problems is an incredible foundation to a long-term relationship.

Relationships Over Transactions

In order to be successful over the long term, focus on building lasting relationships.

“I learned through trial and error that if I treated my business partners and clients as transactions and not as relationships, I would get that one sale, but not 20,” Bryant wrote. “There would be no customer next year, and my business wouldn’t be sustainable. If, in contrast, I treated others the way I wanted to be treated, I learned that they actually wanted to do business with me more, they trusted me more, they were more loyal to me, and they had more confidence in me.”